Happy Monday and last day of January! January always seems to be such a long month, but it also flies by so quickly. Today, I want to highlight my weekend of archery, and hanging out with two very close friends of mine to celebrate their anniversary and their future nuptials!
Erica and I met in November of 2014, at a Great Gatsby themed birthday party, upon my return to Philadelphia from North Carolina. We instantly hit it off and bonded over being apart of the LGBTQ+ community and both of us having really nice hair. We instantly became friends and became closer throughout the years. We have been through the many trials and tribulations facing young adults living in the city, and have always been able to be dependent on each other, sort of the gay Sex and the City. Three years ago, Erica was telling about a new person they were interested in, and how this time it just felt so easy and right. I'm sure many of us can relate to that sentiment while dating.
A few weeks later, I got to meet the new person in Erica's life, Ali. Instantly upon meeting Ali it did feel different, even for Erica's friends. Ali was warm and kind, and when we met, she bought her wonderful dog! Fast forward a few years, Erica and Ali get engaged! As we they began preparing, they asked if they could FaceTime me late one evening. Since it was almost 10 o'clock, I was worried something was wrong. When I answered they were overjoyed and told me they had to ask me something, and were too excited to hold it in. They asked me if I would be their officiant in a small ceremony this summer! Of course I said yes to this wonderful honor.
This weekend, we celebrated Erica and Ali's anniversary and started to prepare for our California trip, to get them hitched! We braved the snowstorm and headed to an archery class. We had to take a safety course and then got to shoot some arrows for a few hours, it was a really exciting experience.
As I like to take these posts to celebrate the love and triumph's of my LGBTQ+ community, I want to take this opportunity to talk about a subject that sometimes is made a big deal out of, when it shouldn't be: pronouns. Both Erica and Ali go by they/them pronouns. I go by he/him pronouns. Many people go by differing pronouns based on their gender identity. Often, pronouns and gender identity is turned into a political wedge issue, when in reality pronouns are a way to express how a person identifies, and how they would like to be addressed. Having pronouns in an email signature, a website biography, a social media handle, or any other place is an easy way to say I will to respect who you are as a person, and if we come across each other, I'm a safe space for you.
I was recently talking to a close friend and she shared her sister's wife's response to pronouns in her email signature, and I think it's a very intelligent way of viewing pronouns. As a more masculine woman, she feels that in a world of digitalization and virtual introductions, while we're all mostly working from home, putting pronouns in a signature can help someone who does not identify on the gender binary. This small tool can be a crutch to the gaze the temperature of a zoom call or meeting before interacting with a new client or colleague. Having this small but meaningful tool helps everyone else manage their response to you in the flesh, rather than being misgendered or being called "sir" on the phone. These small gestures humanize many queer people and allow them to say "this is how I identify, please address me accordingly."
Pronouns in a bio certainly are not mutually for people of the LGBTQ+ community. My youngest brother graduated from undergrad last winter and began working for a recruiting agency. He's a great young person, and your average 23 year old guy. He's a bit of a bro and enjoys what a normal 23 year old enjoys. One day during work he added me to LinkedIn. He sent me a message with his whole spiel, but I noticed in his signature that he had his pronouns. I felt so much joy and had such a proud big brother moment. This little gesture, by a young cis-hetero man, has so much impact and leadership.
Pronouns are a simple way to create safety for people who do not identify along the gender binary. The fact that it can be divisive is upsetting and quite immature, since it takes the humanization away from a person. Through these posts I do not want to lecture or preach, I want to create meaningful and thought provoking conversations, in a time where many topical issues become devisive. I still have so much to learn, and I hope you all join me on this journey!
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